It is my habit to wake up early in the morning, up until few years ago. But this morning, I was up before the crack of dawn. It was all because of one letter.
I arrived at office around 10 am after visiting our work site. I pulled into the parking lot half expecting not to see my boss's car but it was already there indeed. Still have no idea how to tell him face to face about my resignation letter which I handed to management last week. With an empty mind and a heart that beats faster than usual, I climbed up the stairs, opened the door and headed to my table. I flashed an empty smile when my CrimePartner whispered the phrase “Boss dah tahu”.
I always knew that resigning from my current job would be the hardest thing for me.
There was a strange look on my boss face when I came in to report to him about the status of our current project. As I wanted to leave the room, he opened his mouth and said “Saya dengar you mau resign”. After a short conversation between us, I left the room. He told me it is hard for him if I were not here. I was afraid tears would come out for a second time in front of him. What he did not know, it is also hard for me after these four and a half years here.
We got a discussion with client on the afternoon, with presence of big boss. My boss asked me to be there, which I did attend only from outside the meeting room :) After the meeting ended, big boss called me to his room. I less expected that but he gave me advises and shared thoughts about the idea of working for the government.
I do aware about things that I might encounter as a government servant. I am not prejudice by any means but all I heard always reflect the negatives side. I worried about many things, the boss and the political environment that might exist at work place. I worried about the fact that I need to start over at a new place, alone. Maybe I worry too much, maybe there were good things awaited me ahead but I really don’t know what I should do right now
The situation might be different if my M-plan went throuh. Now I need to plan all over again and I do find it intricate this time. I already have all I ever asked for here, but somehow, I need to make the right decision for my future. Please help me God.
This morning, my boss called me to his room. Only today I have courage of asking him since when did he know and he told me he already knew since Monday actually. He did talk more than yesterday. He asked me do I have problems with my work or was there something that I was not satisfied with. I told him it was not that and that I have not decided to accept the offer up until now. I did fax my acceptance but the final decision will be on the day I report to duty.
Actually, I do not want to leave but I need to consider a lot of things which of course involve my future. I loved what I have here but would this be the right choice? If I choose to leave, would that be the best decision for me? My mind is in grey. I am having the time of my life and a lots had happened this year. I might looked happy and unaffected by my broken engagement but if truth be told, my heart was totally wrecked and was cut so deep, that I did not cry yet! I am not in denial as I was an optimist and did think carefully before I made my decision. Either one I choose, it still hurts me.
