Goodbye 2010

Hari ni hari terakhir 2010. Rasa macam sekejap je masa berlalu. Sedar-sedar dah nak menjejak tahun baru. Berlainan dengan tahun lepas,aku memasuki tahun baru 2010 dengan perasaan bercelaru, untuk tahun 2011 ni aku dapat rasa perasaan yang positif. Tambah-tambah bila the one thing yang mengambil masa bertahun untuk aku resolve dah selesai, which buat aku rasa amat amat lega.

Lots of things happened in 2010.. In Life..work.. Dengan berakhirnya hari ni, maka rasmilah aku telah berjaya melalui satu tahun dengan jayanya. Azam untuk tahun 2011 rasanya belum ada. Aku cuma harap hidup aku simple dan aku masih aku, cuma lebih baik dari versi sebelum. InsyaAllah...

As of today, hari yang indah indeed.. Mula la nak melodrama ;) blame KBS sebab siarkan 2010 song festival semalam & drama awards malam ni. Especially now ni adik geun suk standing on the stage winning something i am unable to figure out due to tak de translation. Daaa?!!

Ibu.. mummmii.. nenekkk.. daaddii.. aku mengantukkkk!!!

Apa hal la dengan aku ni. Makan aper la agaknya sampai ngantuk je memanjang. Nasib ngantuk, kalau lapar jek memanjang lagi naya. Kang banyak lak kerusi opis patah gara-gara aku over weight. So.. misuk cuti.. yeaaayyy. Apa lagi... layan hobi la ni.

Tadi g Sushi Zanmae.. wah! sedapppp! Memang berbaloi-baloi & jaoh lagi best dari Sushi King. Alkisahnya.. Aku baru nak belek drawing, tetiba dapat call suh turun tuk discussion. Naik2 opis je nampak ada post-it note kat screen komputer. Note tu tulis "Jung oppa.... Aku tak yah baca habis. 2 patah perkataan tu je da cukup wat aku taw saper la pengirim post-it tu. Wahaha..

Layan KBS song festival.. Daaa

Tak faham kenapa aku asyik mengantuk jek dua tiga hari ni.. aishhh!!

Claim si kawan tu aku da berjaya settle. Yeayyy.. Tadi aku lepak miting. Yer... miting tu pun di kira lepak gak. Ada la one of this doctor, pompuan.. a pengarah which is a Datuk. Tapi kalao tengok muka, nampak muda lagi. Wah! Jeles I dengan kemudaan beliau. Hahaha.

Besok aku nak wat aper ye? Cheee.. macam tak de kerja jek padahal drawing banyak je aku tak belek lagi & SKT aku pon tak settle gara-gara aku punya status kat Hrmizz now is PUTUS SANDANG! Unbelievable kan. Sapo la yang kejam kat aku ni. Now tengah layan Bandage.. kalo aku buleh ader pet macam Sumire Chan dalam kimi wa petto, aku tamow adik Geun Suk kali ni. Aku nak wat budak Akanishi Jin ni pet aku. Wahaha.. Even though dia tak le masuk kategori emsem di mata aku tapi his face look 'expensive' dow! So wanna have!

Marah!

Seumur hidup aku, aku belum pernah benci orang walau macamana pun orang tu buat pada aku. Walaupun aku pemarah, aku tak mampu pun untuk simpan rasa marah apa lagi mendendami seseorang. Bila aku menolak untuk berada disekeliling orang yang menyakiti aku, aku cuma menjaga hati aku agar tidak dipengaruhi oleh perasaan negatif. Pada aku, aku cuma anggap semua yang berlaku tak pernah berlaku, dan aku tak pernah langsung kenal orang tu.

Pemikiran aku memang semudah itu.

Tapi bila ada orang yang tak faham bahasa, memang membencikan! Apalah susahnya sekadar untuk menghormati perasaan seseorang? Apalah sukarnya sekadar memenuhi permintaan kecil berbanding layanan buruk kamu pada seseorang yang tak layak pun untuk kamu sakiti?

Pagi tadi aku jaga kol 6.19 am.. so tak jadik lah tak cuti. Aku da berjaya akhirnya abiskan Hi My Sweetheart. Now tengan layan Yukan Club. Tetiba jek aku bekenan kat Akanishi Jin ni.. dari ari tu lagi aku raser dia cam cumil. Thanks la to line tenet yang behave hari ni.

And at the end.. claim si kawan yang aku konon-konon nak proses tu tak bersentuh jugak le jawabnya. Besok je lah aku tengok ye. Memandangkan KPI korang pun da tercapai kan.. so..kita sama-sama rilek la yek. Stat besok aku kerja sungguh-sungguh balik. Woops! SKT aku tak settle lagi. Mati lerr..

Ari ni lepak dekat rumah. Tengah fikir2.. besok nak guna ke tak cuti yang aku da apply last week, since my sis pon da balik. Betuah adik aku ni, aku apply cuti nak bawak dia jalan..dia balik U plak. Then, bila toleh claim kuntraktur setebal 1/2 inci kat sebla ni, aku tetiba jek cemas. Ari tu time aku bawak balik, berkobar-kobar nak semak konon during weekend. Sudahnya.. duk jadi perhiasan jek kat atas meja tu.

Ada orang brain-damaged cari aku dari last week lagi. Dia ni memang dari dulu otak dia ada short sikit..emm. bukan sikit, banyak kot! Aku pun tak paham. Malas nak layan.

Nak keluar jalan-jalan dekat luar tu rasa malas sebab panas amat. Jemur kasut, 2 jam je dah kering. Tu laa.. ingat budak skola je ke yang kena basuh kasut. Aku yang tua-tua ni pun kena basuh kasut oke! Saper suh aku beli kasut kanvas. Orang suh pakai kasut pvc or kulit g kerja, aku g pakai kasut kanvas & getah. This type of kasut, sport shoe tapi tumit tinggi.. aku memang gemar gila kasut cengini. Aku rasa ader la 5 pasang kot kat rak tu. Takder ke servis basuh kasut eak??

Lepak kat rumah je hari ni. Semalam my sis sungguh2 masak spaghetti. So ari ni kitaorang makan tido jek la. Heavenn...

Actually plan nak g umah my aunt dekat Klang tapi macam malas plak. Taw la time2 monthly cycle ni kan. Badan pun rasa macam tak sehat. Rasa macam nak demam pun ada.

Seingat aku ari ni krismas..tapi rancangan dekat tv malam ni semuanya tak menarik. Tak faham le aku. Now tengok tv3, pasal korea. Wah! Negara adik Geun Suk. Jeles sebab negara dia ada salji. Takpe, one day insya-Allah aku sampai gak.

Hari ni gak aku rasa lega gila! Macam ada satu beban terlepas.. Woooshhhh

Ari ni aku cuti..yeayyyy.. Nak tercabut gak la kaki aku ni sebab letih bejalan cari pokok krismas. Ronda-ronda dekat pavillion tadi. Saja nak pegi tengok krismas deco. Last year ada white deers yang memang chantek. This year takder. Tak best ah!

1st, aku tensi sebab badan naik.
2nd, aku tensi sebab badan naik gak.
3rd, aku tensi sebab, still, badan naik!

Tensi! Tensi! Tensi!
Aku nak blame adik2 aku nih.

Tensi gak sebab nak kena proses claim orang. Aku rasa benda yang paling kritikal dalam job aku ni yekla evaluate dan bayar claim. Dengar cam senang, takat proses & propose je berapa nak bayar. Cakappp, memang le senang.

Tadi result pmr kuar. Takat dapat full A pun kecohs. Aku dulu dapat full gak, rilek je. Mak aku lagi sempoi. Aku bagitau dia aku dapat 9A, dia bagitau aku suh call skolah tuk reconfirm betul ke idak. Tak de pun sesi tuntut adiah & drama air mata bagai. Kecozs!!

Tengahari tadi daus ajak aku ngan ZH g makan tempat mahal..tanak makan kat dbkl katanya. Lepas aku dah sungguh2 suggest banyak tempat makan, alih2 dia kater kita p oasis jek la. Cheh! Ok la..Kira mahal la sket dari kat dbkl tu. Lepas makan, kitaorang bertenggek dekat centre court tengok santa klaus kat bawah tu.

Sebab badan daus besar, kitaorang buat lawak santa. Ramai orang nak tangkap gambar ngan santa tu, siap ada yang peluk. Daus pun apa lagi.. Dia kater dia pun nak jugak kena peluk macam santa tu, so, ZH suggest dia request kat santa tu tukar shift. Kitaorang boleh bertenggek kat situ lama sambil mengekek.

Dua mamat ni sporting..jenis yang kalo buat lawak kenakan dorang, dorang join skali gelakkan diri sendiri..& aku memang suka kenakan dorang..hahaha.

Ah tertekannn... Aku cam tensih pla hari ni. Awat ntah. Baru ingat nak cuti lama sket next week, ader plak orang kejar2 bontotz. Menyampah sunggoh.

Now tengah layan citer jipung.. Tumbling. Siyukkkssss!!

I am almost unable to recognize my own car this morning. Thanks to 'long time no wash!" Hahaha. When it came to car wash, I am the laziest. Why can't just the rain do the washing eh?.  Rain only made all the dust stick on the car's body instead of cleaning. Wae????

And I felt so sleepy all day long! Wae? Did I eat something wrong, or did anything out of usual eh? Mmmm.. think! think! Not that i can remember. Wae tto????!!!

This week, I disobey the 'avoid fast foods' sign. Two times KFC! Almost 3 actually. Adik la ni punya pasal. Lapar kak.. KFC jum kak! Dia kurus tak pe lah.. aku ni lemak jek dah lebih bepuluh kilo.

Dia sebok nak ngorat amoi kononnya. Skali ader minah tu usha dia, dia pi lari sembunyi belakang aku. Ko ape halll dik! Tapi sejambu2 dia, tak lawan adik aku lagi sorang. Jalan ngan aku, dia sibuk ngorat awek. Yang ni 'ko aper hal kuasa 2'. Sah-sah awek2 tu ingat dia jantan gatai, padahal, aku ni tak bersalah pon.

Since kawan aku mostly lelaki since zaman kanak-kanak ribena, aku memang tak heran dah la kalo dorang ni perangai semua pelik2. Sampai buat aku ngeri dan terlalu hati-hati memilih. Mungkin sebab ni jugak ler aku pernah 2 kali jek bechenta & ended up makan ati bila putus chenta. Hehehe.. Past is past. Walopun gitu, sok kalo ada anak, aku nak anak lelaki satu padang bola + satu je keeper pompuan ;p

Moto Show 2010 yang secara overallnya..

A disappointment!

Today aku gelakkan adik. Aku tanya dia, apakah perasaan dia naik lrt since ini first time dia naik lrt. Sakit kaki kak! Hahaha.. memang ler. Selalu nek keta kan. And, for the first time dalam sejarah hidup aku menjejakkan kaki ker The Mall. Wahahaha.. keciannn.

Before tu adik dengan semangat berkobar2 plan nak singgah kat banyak tempat. Pas PWTC, konon nak p the mall, Berjaya Times Square.. Pavillion.. ntah maner lagi dah. Last destination kat BTS.. pas tu dia dah tak mampu nak jalan. Hahaha.. tau susah!

30 is a a great number tapi bila tengok orang yang berusia above 30, aku rasa dorang dah macam makin kureng hot! Seriously! Haha.. Sama jek perempuan or lelaki. Still, there are women yang umor the above 30 still nampak younger tapi aku tak nampak la pulak pada lelaki. They will look different.

Next year aku da 30. Yeay.. Tak sangka dah bulan 12..rasa macam sekejap jek masa berlalu. Bakal menjejak umor 30 taon, da 2 kali plan nak kawen and now still single-but-not-available! Walobagaimanapun, malang sekali sebab kerja pun bukanlah priority dalam hidup aku. Even tersenarai dalam top list, to have a simple life adalah perkara yang paling penting pada aku. All i ever wanted is a simple and uncomplicated life. I wish to stay happy on my own way, just like now. Kalau tuhan bagi aku peluang redo semula hidup ni, I still choose to be me =)

Today is Sunday-alike.. What i do? Layan citer Rookies lagi untuk kesekian kalinya. Wahahah.. Walopun banyak lagi citer lain yang aku suka, aku rasa Rookies is still no 1. Maybe sebab sport drama, aku rasa joyous dan bersemangat jek. Everytime tengok pun still dapat goosebumps. Kali ni da masuk kali ke berapa puluh ntah aku tengok citer ni.

Baru pas bekfast.. Kalau kol 2 petang kira bekfast lagi ke eak? Heh. Bukan sebab aku baru bangun laa.. Awal lagi dah bangun tadi. Bukak2 mata terus on RMVP player yang baru jek dibeli ngan rega 65 hengget. Murah giler sebab offer. Cinoet jek, 2 inch.sq.. Tapi berbaloi2 sebab ble direct tengok movie dari external drive. Gambor pun chantek.. Ble play subtitle, view gambar..dokumen & dengar lagu. Kebetulan plak aku baru pas donlod bersungguh-sungguh semalam kann.. Lagi la seronot.

Aku rasalah.. Antara citer jipun ngan korea.. Senang lagi nak paham orang jipun cakap sebab lidah orang korea bebelit. Gila susah nak cakap sampai aku tak dapat detect the easiest words like kata ganti untuk "aku & kamu"!

Semalammm yang hangat! Pinjam fevret quotation Paly jap. Kol 7.30 aku da gerak dari umah menuju ke tempat bekumpul, somewher kat ulu yam. Luckyly gps aku behave, so aku sampai exactly at the promised time and place tanpa sesat. Aku membontot le mana2 keta yang slow & drive dengan speed 50 km sejam sebab takot sampai awal sangat.

Gila seronok.. Tapi rugi sebab aku tak join dorang mandi gara-gara malas nak panjat tangga yang tingginya ala2 kuil batu caves tuk p amek baju dalam kereta. Takat p tempat yang cetek jek la. Cedeyyy! Tapi enjoyy. Usaha aku tuk mempertahankan kekeringan baju hampir tercabar dek gara2 dengki nak join dorang main air kat tempat air yang deras. Hampir gak aku jatuh dalam air. Konon nak melompat atas batu, skali tepijak tempat belumut. Saket gila kaki. Sengalnya terasa sampai ke hari ni.

Ari ni aku tak keje. Mari merehatkan badan dan kaki yang saket. Sambil2 tu, aku dah khatam donlod 16 episode of you're beautiful & 10 of kimi wa petto. Internet connection aku pun behave lately. Dia macam taw2 jek aku plan nak tukar plan tu hari.

Tengok kimi wa petto nih.. Dengki plak sebab dia ada a cute boy as her pet. Nak pet cam Matsumoto Jun!! Marah ibu nanti.. Heh. Korea pon nak buat citer ni, kononnya adik geun suk da kompem jadik pet. MatsuJun ni memang one cute pet, so, aku harap adik geun suk buat yang the best. Gila comey mamat ni sampai muat dalam kotak.. Haha. Adik geun suk aku rasanya lebey tinggi dari Jun.. Macamana agaknya dorang nak masukkan dia dalam kotak. Wonder nih! Tapi aku sapspen gak nak tengok adik geun suk nari sebab dia nari tak comey..hahaha..

Aku layan cerita Mary Stayed Out All Nights currently, which is still airing at Korea. Hero dia of course la adik Geun Suk aku. Aku nak kata suka sangat cerita nih, biasa-biasa je lah. Even though hero ngan heroin dia best, sound track and jalan cerita dia tak ler sehebat mana. 

Mula-mula aku terfikir gak, apalah mengarut jek rambut hero ngan heroin nih. Sekali inchik GooGle bagitaw, cerita ni is an adaption from comic book which is still on going. Itulah alkisahnya gambar katun Mary ngan Mu Gyul kat bawah tu yang diadaptasi ke drama.

Kalao cerita korea, aku cuma layan drama jek sebab most of filem dorang mengecewakan due to jalan cerita dia cam ntah apa-apa & cam semua pun tiba-tiba je. Sepanjang aku tengok filem dorang, aku cuma berkenan kat Itaewon Murder Case je. Bukanlah sebab adik Geun Suk berlakon dalam citer tu tapi it really is a good film.

Aku minat this two sisters Hong Jung Eun & Hong Mi Ran, which is a screenwriter. 3 top Korean drama yang aku suka amat which is Sassy Girl Chunhyang, My Girl & You're Beautiful written by them. The first thing yang aku suka about these three is jalan cerita dia yang entertaining, a scene yang sangat romantic which perempuan jek yang ble imagine and translate to an act, hero ngan heroin, pastu soundtrack yang memang dibom!  

Now ni geram.. maner la pegi kabel kamera aku nih. Camaner la aku nak upload gambar bekelah tadi nih. Rasa-rasa bule pasang gps tak kat barang-barang sepaya kita dapat track bila ilang???

Kinda tensih at the moment sebab mata tamaw tutup. Sok pagi nak kena bangun awal g bertoghether-gather kat ulu nih. Silap-silap kang, orang sebok picnic.. aku bizi tido. Wah! tensih!

Tadi layan adik Geun Suk lagi. Aku baru perasan that he kinda remind me of my puppy love, especially his smile and eyes. Yer.. tahu la anjeng tu haram. Heheh.. time tu he is the one and only creature yang boleh buat aku gegar and berdebar. Pinjam kata-kata bos aku "rasa kaki cam tak jejak bumi". Toksah bagi dia senyum, nampak kelibat dia dari jauh pon aku dah cemas. Rasa macam nak tercabut jantung aku kalau dia ada. Time tu budak skola lagi.. innocent! so, since aku sedar diri aku budak itu time.. takat admire jek la. Takder pon terfikir lebih. Apsal aku tak fikir lebih eak waktu tu? hehehe..

So, drama korea tu sebenarnya tak tipu pun bila hero or heroin like Minam dalam You're Beautiful tu rasa jantung dia cam nak explode disebabkan oleh Tae Kyung memandangkan jantung aku ni pon pernah gak experienced rasa macam nak terkeluar tu.

So, kesimpulan dia, walaupon kita minat hero yang emsom, come, putih, tinggi & dahi licin.. tak semestinya dalam real life kita akan pilih orang yang seangkatan dengan creature yang emsom, come, putih, tinggi & dahi licin macam aktor tu sebab soal hati tiada sapa pon taw. Ya.. macam takder kiatan kan dengan entry aku kesimpulan ni. Hesh! Ni semua mata la ni punya pasal. & senyuman Geun Suk.. and kerut dahi Dong Wook.

Kesimpulan dari kesimpulan.. bila aku nak tido?!!!!!!

Abes merengsa muka aku gara-gara mandi steam tadi. Cop. Merengsa tu apa eak? Hahah.. Tadi aku g buat verifikasi stok kat cawangan orang. Cam ntah apa2 jek p kira stok kat stor. Yelah, kira da membazir kepakaran dua engineer mekanikal &elektrik yang tak ler berapa nak pakar pon. Tapi. Still. Bazir.

So, officially.. Dua hari aku hidup tanpa line phone. Kompem berbulu member2, esp kontraktor yang nak kejar claim sebab aku as kaunter pertanyaan tak ble dihubungi. Nasiblah dorang sebab aku takder piagam pelanggan. Kalo tepon tu company bayar, aku tadak hal kome nak komplen. Tapi since tepon tu aku beli dan bayar sendirik, suka ati aku le kan. Apahal kome nak hangen, kome ke yang bayar? Hahaha.. Tadi micro sim adapter aku da sampai. So, phone aku da ble function la. Tu pon kalo aku tak insert kat ipad ni. Muhuhahaha..

iPad is the best! Walaupun rega dia ni agar boleh tahan mahalnya.. Tapi memang berbaloi-baloi.

The best part yang aku suka tentang iPad ni?
1st - Senang nak power up and shut off, tak macam laptop, and even lagi senang dari handphone.
2nd - walaupon speed line tenet aku cuma takat 3G je, aku rasa aku macam guna highspeed connection sebab memang sangat la pantas sampai aku pon macam tak perchaiya.
3rd - nengok movie? Superb! Stream dari site like drama crazy, daily motion ker.. Kejap je. YouTube toksah cakap lah. Tak yah donlod pun tak pe. Aku baru jek pas nengok citer itaewon murder case. Rasa-rasa kalo guna laptop, it took twice the time or more tuk loading each movie.
4th - touch screen! Keyboard dia lagi besar dari keyboard laptop, and, tak yah pon susah-susah nak tekan bersungguh2 time tulis entry kat blog ni. Touch manja sudah.
5th - pas ni aku tak yah da susah2 p melancong tuk tangkap gambar.. Buka jek wiki travel. Dengan screen ipad yang clear amat nih.. Tak dapek nak explain sebab aku seronok giler.
6th - nak dengar lagu? Anytime! Stream online for free.. Tak yah da donlod.
7th - nak dengar radio? Play lagu dengan lirik? Baca pdf? Buka power point? function macam laptop? Beres!
8th - takyah dah ler aku nak p mph pasni. Baca jek ebook yang menarik tertarik lagi dibom & bawak ipad lagi ringan & nipis dari buku.
9th - application free yang menarik tertarik ko nimang dibom! contoh? piano! sebijik cam main piano betui.
10th - tulisan kat screen kecik sangat? kurang jelas? nak map? Kalo nak zoom in & out, bak kater adik geun suk - just touch and drag and drop it!

Kesimpulan entry kali ni? Belilah buah apple! Hidup buah apple!

Thanx to adik Geun Suk yang dah buat hari-hari aku over ceria. Wahahaha..

Sebab plan nak p melenchong tak jadi, so, aku divert la cash flow untuk kegunaan membeli seswatu yaktu seswatu yang tak der dalam plan pun.. yaktu iPad! Tak de hujan tak de ribut aku terbeli benda alah tu. Ingat nak beli iphone.. tapi cam tak berbaloi plak bila compare dengan skrin ipad yang besar tu.

Beberapa hari ni aku dah lupa diri. Wahahaha. Weekend tu aku langsung tak kuar umah. Turun dari tilam yang empuk ni pun sebab nak p toilet, minum or mengunyah je gara-gara adik Jang Geun Suk. Cumillllll! Paling tak tahan bila dia senyum. Dari pagi sampai ke pagi balik aku still mengadap cerita You're Beutiful. Jap.. aku baru perasan. Tulisan cina kat promotional poster tu cam 'Mei Nan'.. lelaki cantik. Apa2lah..

Mula-mula tengok mamat tu cam x comey.. skali lama-lama tengok.. berdebar jantung i.. hahaha. Cerita yang tak best pada mula-mula, tapi jadik best sebab adik Geun Suk. Sebab aku tua.. tak bley la pulak panggil Geun Suk oppa. Haha.. sedar pun diri yang tua.

Cerita ni buat buat mood aku jadi ceria sampai ke sekarang ni. Mungkin sebab aku puas da nangis dari kol 8 pagi sampai kol 2 pagi, so release la semua aura-aura tensi. That is the good thing about tangisan.. a good therapy indeed! Cita-cita nak p Paris pon cam nak divert p Korea jek gara-gara layan drama Korea. Hahahaha.. Tak jadik la plak nak p Paris bulan 3 ni sebab adik member yang bakal jadik pemandu pelancong tu plan nak balik Mesia. Nanti serabut plan. Tak pe.. nanti bule plan lagi. Yang penting duit jek. Package yang aku dapat tu murah la sebab dalam 5 raban jek, kalo compare dengan package lain la.

I shouldn’t have done that...
I should have pretended not to know...
like I didn’t see it, like I couldn’t see it...
I shouldn’t have looked at you in the first place..

I should have run away...  
I should have pretended I wasn’t listening...
Like I didn’t hear it, like I couldn’t hear it... 
I shouldn’t have heard your love in the first place...

It came without a word

Why does it hurt so much?
Why does it hurt continuously?

Except for the fact that I can’t see you anymore...

And that you’re not here anymore...
Otherwise, it’ll be just the same like before...

Without a word, you made me know what love is...
Without a word, you gave me your love...
Made me fill myself with your every breath...
Then you ran away...

Without a word, love leaves me...
Without a word, love abandons me...
Wondering what to say next...
My lips were surprised...

Without a word, tears starts falling down...
Without a word, my heart is broken...

Without a word, I waited for love....
Without a word, love hurts me...

I’ve become transparent...

I’ve become a fool...
And I cry just by looking at the sky...

Without a word, separation finds me...
Without a word, the end comes to me...
It tool my heart by surprised...
To send you away unexpectedly.

It came without a word...

Without a word, love appears...

Without a word, love vanishes...
Like a fever I’ve had...

Maybe all I have to do is hurt for a while...
Because in the end.. 

The only thing that remains are scars.

Without Words - Jang Geun Suk/ Park Shin Hye

This song surely has a beautiful melody. But it is not just that, it has the most touching lyrics too, that made my eyes rain a tears... and reminded me of an unbearable pain in my heart, that it is always in there.

Not to reminiscing the past, but sadness put me in a state that I never want to experience anything like that ever again... That I am holding on to my heart without courage and desire to open it again.  

"Seumur hidup aku, ini yang pertama, pintu hatiku diketuk.. oleh dua jejaka ;p.. punyai ciri selama ini ku cari....." terngiang-ngiang di kepala, telinga dan hati aku. Macamana ni sekarang!

Semalam pula aku mimpi pasal ular.. orang kata kalo orang yang belum khawen mimpi pasal ular, orang tu akan bertemu pasangan, kena pinang, kawen dan yang seangkatan dengannya. Wahahahah.. Apa-apalah. Aku tengah bekira-kira nak merealisasi impian nak ke London-Paris-Belgium-Holand nih. Sok baru member tu kompem. Tapi aku da berfikir-fikir... mana nak korek duit nih!

First aku nak g 4 negara tu dulu.. pastu aku nak p belah-belah German, switzerland.. madrid. Tu kalo ada duit banyak lah sebab kat situ tempat dia chantek-chantek tapi kos nak p melenchong ke sana mahal. Pastu p Jipun or Korea.. Last p Hong Kong ngan Bandung. Aku nak p dubai juga sebab nak p the largest shopping complex in the world ;p

Ngahntuhuk.. tapi aku kena gak tabah sebab tak sampai sejam lagi Sungkyunkwan Scandal akan ditayangkan. Owh! Best! Best! Since aku ni memang la specis yang tak suka surprise, so aku da siap-siap baca synopsis story tu. Ada jugak orang macam aku ni.. hahaha.

Seriusly aku tak suka surprise sebab walaupun aku mungkin akan suka surprise tu, tapi ada possibility aku behave sebaliknya dan mengecewakan orang yang bagi surprise tu. So complicated! Kesimpulan dia, aku memang tak suka surprise lah!

Saket pinggang plak la time2 cycle nih. Ah! terteqan. Nasib audit dah berakhir ari ni. So far, selamat la MrB dan ZA sebab tak der non conformance dalam findings aku.. ader observation jek. Tu pon lepas aku rasa bersalah sebab tak isu apa-apa langsung. Pakat ngan geng letrik kita kuar observation jek lah.

So.. inilah Sungkyunkwan scandal's Moon Jae Shin who stole my heart.. dia memang cumill as Jae Shin.. tapi as Yoon Ah In, which is his real name.. actually dia idak ler secumill dan se'delicious' ini. Huhuhu...

Segar sket pas mandi. Letih la pulak ari ni. Dekat kol lapan gak la baru menjejak kaki ke umah.Dengan perut yang sakit menahan nature's call kecik gara-gara jem tadi dan kaki yang saket sebab sejuk amat dalam keta..rasa-rasa tak lama lagi zzz la ni.

Tadi makan daging masak lemak cili padi yang pedazz tapi sedapzz. Kata kat n.9 kann.. Teringat time zaman2 skola dulu. Sebab suka sangat masakan orang N9, aku pernah bercita-cita la nak bermastuatin kek negeri minangkabau ni satu masa dulu tapi kalao kawen, aku nak kawen degan orang perak. Wahaha... Sebab apa ntah ;p

Banjjag Banjjag!

Banjjag banjjag means bling bling in korean.. wahaha.. now I know.

Gara-gara terbuka channel KBS la nih aku dah start layan korean drama. Memula tu tegok Sungkyunkwan scandal.. pastu citer Rain plak belakon.. Fugitive-Plan B. Aku terbekenan kat drama Sungkyunkwan scandal tu. Citer dia best! So, nak dipendekkan cerita.. at the moment aku tengah layan tengok citer tu kat internet sambil-sambil layan Hannah Montana. wahaha.. umor da 30 pon still layan citer budak2 kan.

Dua hari ni aku langsung tak kuar umah. Totally saving my skin from the sun bah ni. Furaiday tu aku dah oye-oye somewhere kann.. Patutnya aku berhujung minggu di Penang. Gara-gara besok den kono p somban, tak dapek la join teman p bejoli kek Penang tu ha. Den ni da lamo da mengidam nak p jalan-jalan cari hal kek situ. Kalau ikut ati.. mau yo den ni cuti. Aihhh.. malang eh nasib den!

Now tengah layan So you think you can dance.. so looove to watch people dance..

Before tu sebok potong rambut. Macam biasalah.. potong sendirik. Member-member bila dengar aku potong rambut sendirik, dorang pelik. Rasa-rasa ada jugak kot yang ngutuk aku kedekut dalam ati.. wahahaha.. Aku memang dah terror dah potong rambut sendirik. Nak kater style aper, aku pon tak taw. Yang pasti barber kat mesia ni tak dapat carik makan lah kalo aku bukak salon.. kekekek..

Rasa-rasa sekali jek kot aku pernah p salon potong rambut. Tu pun balik umah kena modified sendirik sebab minah tukang potong tu ampeh! Normally kalo tak my mom, aku potong jeklah ikut suka or suh member touch up sket. Dulu-dulu aku kena pakai 2 cermin, kot la rambut aku senget kat blakang.. now dah tak payah. Terror seh! Wahahahahaha.. Ayat banggas. Aku stat potong rambut sendirik since skolah menengah. Sebab tak mampu.. budak skolah kan.. 5 hengget tu pon kira mahal. Tapi sebab 5 hengget tu mahal la aku belajar potong rambut sendirik, start potong kain skolah & baju sendirik. Survival yang berbaloi! Bagi mereka yang fikir aku pelik tu, tengok skarang.. aku tak yah pon susah-susah nak p salon or carik tailor cam dorang. Jimat! Jimat! Wahahaha...

Dengan bantuan GPS, aku berjaya juga sampai ke site tanpa sesats! Wahahaha... Macamlah putrajaya tuh jaoh bebenor. Aku direct dari rumah jek. Malas nak naik keta opis. Saja lah aku nak berchenta duk kat site yang plan sikit punya bagus nak p lawat selalu.. tapi sebab banyak nor komitmen lain.. time evaluation jek lah aku dapat lawat.

Next week nak kena p buat audit plak. Since last week bos takder.. benda yang nak di sain sumer tak bleh nak proses. Tak pa lah.. next week la baru fikir. Now nih layan movie dulu!

Sambut raya aidul adha with no rendang.. spaghetti sajork! wahahaha.. Petang tu ada juga terfikir nak masak rendang, tapi bila mengenangkan tukang makan sikit jek.. Elok la beli jek yang da masak kann. Sudahnya aku p kedai dan beli bekalan makanan dalam tin jek la bertin-tin. Setiba dekat umah, adik aku sms kater malam ni dia sampai. Chet! Kalau bagitau awal bule gak la aku prepare something. Mengenangkan adik aku ni gemor amat makan spagheti, aku p lah hypermarket depan umah ni tuk cari barang masak. Punya ramai la orang. Kalau tak kerana kecian, tak kuasa aku nak beratur panjang sepanjang-panjangnya. Kira first time sepanjang idop aku sanggup beratur kat kaunter kedai yang ada lebih 5 orang yang beli barang dua tiga bakul sorang.

Aktiviti layan sport anime da stat balik dah. Kalo dengar aku gelak sorang-sorang tu bukanlah bermakna aku da gilos. Best amattt! Tiga hari lepas layan soccer anime, now tengah layan football plak. 145 episodes to go! Tiada yang lebih best melainkan rilex sambil tv tengok aku..yeaay!!

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget is only another way of saying I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note- torn in two, and burn up, so that it never can be shown against one"  - Henry Ward Beecher

Aku terbaca quotation kat atas nih yang mengatakan memberitahu seseorang bahawa dia telah dimaafkan namun tetap tidak dapat untuk melupakan semua yang terjadi adalah cara lain untuk memberitahu seseorang tadi bahawa dia sebenarnya tidak akan pernah dimaafkan?

Mungkin ada benarnya tapi aku kurang setuju! Memaafkan dan melupakan perkara yang berlaku merupakan dua hal yang tak sama. Pada aku, memaafkan seseorang bererti aku sudah tidak marah dengan apa yang terjadi dan telah menerima semuanya dengan fikiran yang terbuka, malah tidak akan mengungkit mahupun menyebut tentang perkara tersebut pada masa depan untuk kebaikan bersama. Melupakan memori pahit pula umpama keadaan sebatang paku yang pernah tertanam ke dinding, walaupun paku tersebut telah dicabut namun lubang yang ditinggalkan tetap meninggalkan bekas. Walaupun ditampal, dinding tadi tidak akan sama seperti asal.

Namun sebenarnya yang telah hilang atau berkurang akibat dari sebuah kesilapan adalah kepercayaan.Dan kepercayaan yang telah hilang adalah sesuatu yang bukan mudah untuk dibina semula. Pada aku, tidak pernah ada perkara yang tidak dapat dimaafkan melainkan bila hilangnya kepercayaan.

Would you fight for the one you love if that someone were in love with someone else, or considering someone else on their mind? Don't bother to ask me again because I will tell you to just walk away. Again and again. Please have respect for yourself. What is it that you have done wrong to make that unworthy person think you deserve to be treated like crap? Oh pelizzzz help me to help you.

Watching Ramona and Beezus kinda remind me of my all time favorite movie, The Game Plan. Only the girl Ramona played by Joey King is more natural and cuter. The move was an adaptation from a book written by Beverly Clearly. But Ramona.. is soooooo cuteeee!!! This movie surely became my second all times favorite after The Game Plan. ::Thumbs up::

Hari ni aku jadik si chomot sebab debus debus kota dari site penuh melekat kat baju. And gara-gara kelam kabut lunch tadi, perut aku still senak sampai sekarang. And..and.. aku ader pantun seswaiiii untuk tu..

"gendang gendut tali kecapi..
senak perut sakit ati!!"

Lepak tengok movie.. The Other Guy.. bosan ah! Mula-mula dah excited sebab ader bofren aku Mr The Rock, skali dia mati terjun bangunan daaa...

One thing yang aku realize recently, driving buat aku jadi bad mood! Wahah.. Macam tak de tempat lain jek aku nak hangen kan. Tak pe la..aku bukan kacau or langgar orang pon kat jalan, apakan lagi jadik pembuli jalan..ops.. Ada la sket2 especially bila aku intentionally potong keta kat depan aku yang drive macam kura-kura and drive kat depan keta dia dengan penuh tenang lagi mengalahkan keslow'an pemandu kura-kura tadi. Drive slow tu bule gak lagi aku terima sometimes, tapi driver spesis terhegeh-hegeh dan makan jalan memang aku pangkah. Menyampah betol. P naik bas jek la!

Colmar Tropicale Visit

Do :
Make a daily trip to Colmar Tropicale on cloudy days (NOT RAINY DAYS!) to experience French architectural and summer.

Do but Do Not :
Visit the Japanese Botanical and Tea Garden. Not recommended for non-nature lovers or those who are not a fan of steep roads.

Suggestion :
Bring enough money or else, bring your own food but be smart when choosing eating ports because 'picnic' is not allowed.

The best thing about being home is being home. What?? Haha. Thy who understand would understand. Ok..Enough with that crappy confusing words.

I am 'enjoying' home. I kinda went to bed early last night. I was under the control of 'sleepy spell' due to migraine, and the fact that today is an off day. It became routines that i isolate myself from peoples and sunlight, which to be exact once a week. The one day that i would be at home 24 hours. Am I getting weirder or what! And, i received an sms wishing me Happy Deepavali. Hahaha.. I never pick up calls or bother about smses sent by unknown but i did reply the sms today. Wrong number indeed..

I am at the airport since 7, waiting for my 9.20 pm flight! My head kinda pusing while my full stomach caused me feel bloat. There is a handsome guy besides me..wahah. Selingan.

I am so sleepy at the moment. Due to over eating this past few days, i'm kinda gastric duh.

Belum.. Aku belum p melenchong lagi. Tengah sambut pre depavali dekat land of keropok lekor.

..woke up as early as 3.30 in the morning, clean up, have a light breakfast.. Dalam kol 4.30 driver sampai. Now dah kol 8 setengah. Ngantuk nih. Apa taknya..dari kol 8 lebey sampai dekat kol 7 malam dekat site. Besok pun macam ni la juga. Apa yang pasti aku amat kantouqx.. Since ngantuk amat sangat.. aku oder room servis jek. Kopok lekor + Nasik Goweng .. Nyammm.. zzzzzz

Tak tercapai akal aku tengok orang yang mampu menipu tanpa ada rasa bersalah sikit pun. Dengan muka yang maha selamba, seolah-olah tak de apa yang happen. Tak faham langsung dengan orang macam ni. Will avoid answering questions, secretive,mysterious..they even hide their handphone! Kenapa la wujud orang macam ni. Dorang ni tak letih ke. Best sangat ke apa yang dorang buat tu eak..

Tapi yang aku sure, dorang ni adalah manusia-manusia berhati kering dan selfish tahap gaban. Kesian gaban kan.. Tak pasal-pasal pula nama dia naik.

I bought a mini sewing machine for RM10 je and really love it! Tima kasih le saper yang invent sebab korang dah memudahkan aku menjahit. It looked like a stapler kan.. bila nak jahit kena tekan cam stapler. Dulu saiz benda ni agak besar sket.. now nih makin lama dah makin kocik. Kalo dulu bersusah payah nak jahit tangan.. now stapler jek. Stapler ni produce jahitan kuku kambing. Wah! aku still ingat lagi nama jahitan ni. Biasa kalo aku jahit tangan, aku jahit kia jek. Keburukan jahit kia ni, even kat depan jahitan dia cam jahitan machine tapi kat belakang compang camping. Tapi kalo jahitan kuku kambing, jahitan yang belah belakang tu pun cantik cuma kerja dia leceh and perlu patience.

Setelah sekian lama mengidam..akhirnya aku berjaya juga membeli dril. Yeay! Sebenarnya, aku pon tak paham apa yang aku mengidam sangat ada drill..ahah. Time jalan-jalan dekat Jusco tadi, tak de pun plan nak beli asalnya. Terintai cordless drill brand Black&Decker.. Aku dah seronot sebab murah..60 hengget je. Biasa kalo brand tu, rega drill dia mau dua ratus ke atas gak. Time tu aku fikir takpe la dulu.. Lain kali bule beli sebab barang tu standard price. Aku singgah carefour lepas dari Jusco, aku tengok rega benda tu kat carefour 80 hengget. Whatt! 20 hengget differ tu, lepas dah minyak keta aku tuk seminggu. Pas tu.. Aku g Jusco balik and terus je la beli. Nanti-nanti la aku fikir nak drill apa.. Huhu.

Layan anime ni memang asyik. Orang jepun memang terer bab melebih-lebih & imaginasi melampau yang tak logik langsung. Tapi since aku layan anime ni, terasa cam kartun omputeh da kureng best. At the moment aku tengah layan anime pasal chef.

Tadi aku jalan-jalan cari pasal dekat bawah opis. Tetiba rasa macam nak beli iphone. Nasibla aku muhasabah diri bakwasanya aku nak kena simpan duit tuk pegi melenchong & sambung master maybe. Ibu kater dia nak amek master dalam Safety.. Time keja kontraktor dulu, aku memang selalu intai website NIOSH sebab aku memang intersted nak further dalam safety. Tapi sejak-sejak joint gomen, aku dah tak minat dah. Kalau dulu aku rasa macam berkobar-kobar jek, tapi now ni rasa cam lembab..even gelaran ir tu pon dah jadi jokes among us.

Before kol 7 aku dah tercongok dekat opis macam biasa. Tengah aku menyanyi gumbira, aku nampak my bos dengan lajunya menuju ke cubicle aku, lalu konversasi ini pon terjadik..

Boss : Hang kena p kursus kan?...
Aku : Aaaa?
Boss : Hari ni, dekat HQ..
Aku : Aaaaaaaa?
Boss : Kol 8 start.. sempat lagi kot
Aku : Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Saper la yang bijak laksana bulan suh orang pegi kursus tapi hari kurus baru nak inform nih. Aihhh...Gigit kang baru tau.

Tapi thanks la to orang yang arrange aku pegi kursus tu sebab aku sempat shopping sakan dekat muaz textile kat jalan TAR. Aku da beli tudung yang banyak. Kira lah kalau lebih 10 helai.. tak banyak aper. Kalau bawak mak aku g kedai tu mesti sakan. Murah amat. Aku beli tudung lycra yang ader anak tudung skali tu baru 7 hengget jek. Kat luar mau 10 - 15 hengget kot. Cumanya aku tak berkenan dengan anak tudung dia. Aku tak kira la fesen, tapi nimang huduh aku nengok orang pakai. So, aku pakai tudung dia jek. Senang sebab tak yah pakai anak tudung & tak yah iron. I Sarung and jalan jek.. thanks la pader saper yang design tudung tu. One day kot2 ader lagi yang creative, buat la tudung pattern cenggitu tapi tepi tudung tu tanak ader jahit lipat.. aper ntah orang panggil.. kelim kot.

So.. next month aku akan bizi amat la nampaknya. Tadi AF1 call, tanya aku nak pegi Melaka tak 8-10 hb.. kursus risk assesment.. wahah.. dah le 2 sampai 4hb aku kat Terengganu.. 10 pai 12 hb kena audit stor cawangan lain. Pastu boss aku da calon my name tuk audit projek belah selatan sometimes middle November.. Merantau jek la kerja aku.. Tapi yang betulnya aku malas sebab tempat kursus tu Melaka... tempat jatuh lagi aku tak maw kenang. Hahaha..

Tadi g miting dekat site. Next week seminggu la jawabnya aku tak lekat dekat ofis sebab aku bakal meraikan pre-depavali dekat Ganu.

Tadi buat lawak kereta. Orang da elok-elok arrange aku naik dengan keta lain, aku g hijack keta team lain. Kompiden je duduk dalam keta tuk orang lain gara-gara berat mulut nak tanya sapa nama dreba tu. Wahaha. Wakaranai!

One of the gang nak resign, nak pindah kat kementerian perikanan. Aku gemor la joke dengan dia, usik dia nanti skop kerja dia jaga ikan je la. Marah dia.. heheh. Tapi bila sebut bab ikan, nama aku tatap naik sebab dorang suka kaitkan aku dengan 'anak ikan'. Sabar jak la! Aku tak selera la dengan anak-anak ikan ni. Haha.. Jahat la dorang nih.

Aku memang selesa mix dengan bebudak lelaki yang muda dari aku, aku seronok sebab aku takder adik lelaki. Especially sebab aku bule buli dorang dan aku memang suka buli budak.. ahaha. Nak buli budak pompuan, kang menangis plak. Nak buli adik-adik aku yang semuanya pompuan tu memang tak dapek sebab dorang pun kaki buli. Aku tak favor abang muda ni sebab dorang muda. Some guy mungkin prefer pompuan lebih tua sebab dorang ni matang & stabil tapi pada pompuan yang lebih tua ni pula, dalam story ni merujuk kepada aku la specifically.. A younger boyfriend could be 'kawai' and entertaining sebab dorang tak matang or else they could be a 'liability' sebab dorang less matang than aku. Aku memang tak pernah le bercita-cita jadik second mak or kakak pada boyfriend or asben aku, nor did i want to be leader dalam relationship. Never! Kalo lelaki yang lebih tua pula, walaupun matang tapi aku  tak favor sebab i am not looking for another father. Cukup la my dad tu je my ayah. Besides, they came with liabilities... certainly not interested nor interesting! Haha..

Hari ni dah gaji. Since aku betul-betul berazam nak pegi melancong, aku rasa eloklah aku start ikat perut. Kalau tak, berenang la aku balik malaysia nanti. Yang paling tak seronok kerja dengan kerajaan ni, tang ujung bulan dan ujung taun. Hanya orang gomen sajok yang tahu.

Dan hari ni, termaktub la as hari paling miskin dalam sejarah hidup semenjak aku bergelar gomen officer. I was left with 3 ringgit jek, sampai nak beli eskrem kat mcD kat bawah opis ni pun tak mampu! Gila miskin.. hahahaha. Soma ni gara-gara sebab aku yaklah seorang yang amat la tak suka nak beratur dekat atm. Benchi amats! Bila macam tu, ni la jadiknya. Umah aku ngan atm tu berapa langkah la sangat, kat bawah opis ni hah, belambak atm machine tapi aku M.A.L.A.S punya pasal.. toksah cakap le.

Semalam aku dah shopping sakan. Berbotol-botol aku beli sauce speghetti tapi nak masaknya ntah le bila. Peti ais aku yang cenonet tu macam da tak muat dah nak sumbat.

Single Why?

Tengahari tadi keluar jalan-jalan dengan member pegi area sogo. Happened to have face the same fate on love life with her.. We made a joke out of it every time we saw wedding dress and bridal shops. She loved to say "Pelamin anganku musnah".. Hahaha. Even listening to that said pun rasa cam geli pusat.

My friend, she is a very beautiful and attractive woman. Stability.. career.. She have it. Guys chasing her is nothing unusual but why is she still single? And why am i? Both of us agreed, we choose to stay single bukan sebab masih in love and sayangkan orang yang dah tak de. Personally pada aku, it is not the case at all. Dalam kehidupan ni, things and peoples come and go. Whether nak terima kenyataan or cling to pasts, it is up to diri sendiri. Pada aku, there are a big life ahead of me so no point wasting times untuk hal-hal yang tak reasonable dan tak berbaloi pun. Without being selfish, aku perlu jaga hati sendiri lebih sedikit dari jaga hati orang sebab at the end of the day, kalau hati sendiri aku tak jaga, macamana aku nak jaga hati orang kan!

My aunt and her family datang tadi. Pas lunch, lepak dekat kedai DIY, maw dekat seratus abis kat situ jek. Everytime pegi, mesti beli something sebab selain facts yang barang-barang dalam kedai tu semuanya menarik & unik, price pun murah. Besides jusco ngan carefour yang dah dimasyur jadi kedai angkat merangkap taman permainan, kedai DIY ni pon salah satu dari kedai angkat aku gak.

Aku ngan my boss telah berjaya dipeningkan oleh konsaltan since perbincangan hangat kitaorang semalam. Aku ingat aku jek yang curious, boss aku pon sama gak rupanya. Tadi before 7.30 dia da cari aku pasal calculation. Nasib boss aku memang ader background design.. aper2 hal bule refer jek kat dia. Cuba kalo kena boss yang tak pernah buat design & tak der technical background yang strong.. hancuss.

Hari ni hari yang sibuk. Since semalam aku macam banyak keje plak. Besok sabtu.. rilek day! Bule la manja-manja dengan Oranje Bear. Semalam aku da peluk sambil cekik-cekik dia. Sian Oranje..

The one and only that could melt a heart in mere seconds are children. When they flashed a smile,  worries, anger and unhappiness was being wiped out from me. Now, I am happy again...

I was busy the whole day. I also succeed in making my peers life miserable, especially the new guy ZH alias Mr Integriti. Hahaha.. sorry friend. It was so funny! Besides, I also managed to make my contractor's day turned into bad-question days. Opted for quality not quantity, I am not the kind who will simply asked a question without studying or knowing what am I questioning. That is why you people rarely hear me asking questions. But when I did, you could expect something that is out of expectancy. Kecian tengok muka depa... I used to be a contractor, not as a contractor but you know...  I learn a lot back at the days, so I understand lots too. Luckily my current boss is a good person. He always reminded me to look things from a fair point of view.

Saket gigi la pulaa.. jahattt gigi nih!

Ari ni J-card day.. berduyun la orang mengunjungi Jusco yang menjadi tempat persinggahan aku hari-hari. Tadi aku singgah jugak kat Jusco, kot-kot ader offer baju. Currently aku gila dekat baju kurung ngan tudung yang ala-ala lycra. Sebab? Sebab aku benci amat iron baju. Aku ingat da beli steam iron, mudah le keja-keja mengiron baju.. tambah leceh ader! Before iron nak kena isi air.. da abes iron nak kena buang air dalam iron. Dah la kena berdiri time mengiron, bukan kaki yang lenguh, tapi si lengan yang tak der muscle tapi banyak lemak ni.. lenguh oke.

Time raya ari tu aku ada cakap la kat my mom.. aku nak amik amah sorang tuk jaga makan pakai aku. Next raya aku kater kalau aku bawak balik bibik, nanti mak ader assistant time raya. Belum sempat aku habiskan story angan-angan mat jenin, mom da fire & ceramah aku kaw-kaw. Mak aku nih.. dengki la tuh! Malas amat bab iron baju. So, sekarang ni aku pakai semua yang 'bergetah', lengan tak lenguh, bil letrik pon kurang. Giler mahal bil letrik ngan air kat umah ni. Dulu time kat umah lama, air dalam 12 hengget jek sebulan & api dalam 30-40 tapi dekat sini.. aku rasa api dalam 40-50.. air pon samer. Tak paham lah aku.

I am having a light migraine. I didn't overuse my head but I wonder why migraine still loves me? I love you both eyes, but you are killing me. And you, my back, I also love you but you, too, is killing me. The three of you, please don't be bad...

Hari ni aku berjalan-jalan cari hal dekat putrajaya dan cheras dengan ZA & my boss. Boss nak tengok projek saket aku ngan ZA. Nasib mood dia baik, kalau tak, maw aku kena maki sebab tak ingat jalan nak g site! Berapa kali pusing kat Precint2 tu.. nasib le kitaorang jumpa site yang-aku-jaga tu akhirnya. Tengahari boss belanja makan dekat Pantai Dalam.. a good place to enjoy good lunch tapi aku tak taw nama kedai tu. Takper.. sok2 aku tanya inchik dreba. Sedap lagi selesa.

Ibu bagitau dia nak sambung master.. dia ajak aku sambung skali. Huhu.. yang dia tak taw, aku memang da kena call tuk interview for enrollment dekat UPM tuk sem ni, tapi aku tak pegi. Kebetulan time tu bizi amat, at the same time tengah try tuk figure out a plan, the one plan that is going no where, which I knew it now. So for next year aku plan lagi. Aku sure amat next year tiada lagi anasir-anasir yang menganggu fikiran.

Well.. When you are single and you don't think much nor did you let others take control of your thoughts, life became easy. Bukan hanya sebab tu, maybe sebab personaliti dan pembawaan diri kot. I always have a  reason to smile.. though life is hard but I never sabotage myself. Tak yah story banyak, semua pon bule nampak dari muka, except for the part time2 light migraine datang melawat, itu time sah muka aku asam sket.. and kedegilan aku untuk tidak berada di opis lepas 4.30 pun menyumbang kepada less stress. I definitely enjoy life to the fullest what.. tapi M.A.L.A.S is the right words la tuk explain what happened to me.

Miting memang amat bosan. Bikin shepital ni bukan macam bikin otel..tak bule suka suki nak ubah interior arrangement. Before nak letak barang, which is before building naik.. da kena plan awal-awal. Planning process tu, kalau story berapa kali meeting and interaction..boleh muntah! Kalau kena CON-trak/tant and planner tak cemerlang...menangess! Tensih ke aku nih? eh??...

Bangun-bangun pagi tadi tengok ada miskal dari RSenora. Buang tebiat kal aku kol 12 pagi. Then tadi kol 7 lebey dia sms, suh punch kad sebab takut dia lambat. Aku belek-belek phonebook, aku salah simpan no ke. Bila masa pula dia ni pindah sini balik. Kal dia.. Laa.. Rupanya dia ader taklimat exam hari ni. Hahaha.. Petang lepak ramai-ramai dekat kedai mamak. RMD merangkap boypren RSenora pun ada. Ada kesah menarik tapi biarlah rahsia..temporarily ;)

What I do? Well.. as usual.. enjoying a breezy Sunday with movies and books.. though I only open them for pictures :) I watched Knight and Day, it really is a good movie and  totally worthwhile waiting for the Blue Ray edition. I also watched Avatar - The Last Air Bender. Though the graphic is good, it failed on the action part. Luckily I did not go to watch it at cinema.

I experienced bad back pain the whole day. I am kinda like an old woman with restricted movement. Blamed it on monthly cycle that I am fragile from top to toe! Since I already settle everything before weekend, I have nothing else to do other than relaxing. So I just sat and enjoyed the day. My friend invited me to zoo. Frankly speaking, I have never been to national zoo, not even once.. ahahah.

Honn.. maybe there were times you doubted your decisions. In fact, your decisions were indeed wrong. But what is the point thinking about wrong? Past is past and meant to be forgotten. If you don't want to live a miserable life, don't ever regret anything in life especially when making an option or deciding something. All you have to do is tell yourself to do better in future and promise not to repeat anything you don't like doing. You could weep silently or cry out loud, but don't ever regret nor blame others for your decisions. Always remind yourself... you are fully responsible for your own self. You be brave, trusts your good soul!

Semalam aku ada cerita lawak kat tol. Queue nak bayar tol, ada la 4 or 5 buah kereta depan aku. Traffic smooth jek. Lepas kereta depan aku chow, aku pon ready huluq duit 5 posen. Aik! Tak der orang dalam kaunter tu. Aku pandang member, member pandang aku.. kita da salah masuk q ker? Few second pas tu tetiba muncul kepala putih dari bawah tingkap kaunter tu. Tekejutnya aku! Laa.. rupa-rupanya minah tol tu tadinya tunduk, nak amik benda kat bawah kerusi dia kot. Nasib la siang.. kalau tengah malam.. saspen jugak.

Besok Sabtu.. member nak ajak p bejalan tapi aku rasa aku malas nak kuar. Insaf sekejap.. ahahah.. Lagipun kat umah ni, apa lagi yang tak der.. Sate jek kot yang tak der. Tetiba teringin nak makan sate lagi. Sayap ayam lagi.. spaghetti ngan pizza kat Little Italy lagi.. sadaaaappp nyeeeee... lapauuuuuuuuu!!!

Quotations fevret terkini aku "Not in a million years". Kena baca with British accent. Aku dengar satu song ni, singer dia English. Tapi every time nak sing along je, part yang paling lancar aku sebut cuma tang "Nout ien a mill-yeon yea- rss" ni jek. Balik-balik pon aku rewind, still part ini jek yang aku cemerlang. Mungkin memori dan sebutan aku da degenerated kot. Tau la da tua ni.. kann..

Subuh-subuh aku da kena gelak bos.

Boss : Hang nak p miting ni, semalam ke hari ni?
Aku : Eh! Hari ni boss
Boss : hang tulis 13 Oktober?
Aku : Alaa.. silap tulis la pula boss.
Boss : Hahaha.. aku ingat aku yang salah date..

Time tu belomm pun pukul 7. Boss aku bukan apa. Dia saspen sebab dia pun ada miting. Sah la aku memang dah tua.. hahaha. Sama la kita bos!

Hari ni aku seharian dekat site. Tiada yang lagi mengujakan selain berada dekat site. Rindu pula jaman-jaman aku jadi kontraktur. Especially bila ada memori daun pisang. Ahahaha..

Lepas makan banyak & kenyang amat.. Rasa bersalah pula pada perut. Ahaha.. Sorry mr perut.

Aku da tukar biji mata baru.. Kaler grey lagi. Tapi aku tak faham. Aku tengok orang lain pakai contact lense ok je tapi aku berair-air mata & hidung sepanjang hari. Kali ni aku amik yang kaler, bukan le sebab makcik nak bergaya. Kalo kaler punya,tak lah susah-susah nak fikir betul or terbalik contact lense tu. Kalau transparent..acik kompius mana depan mana blakang bah.

Adik aku buang tebiat dua tiga menjak ni. Pantang nampak aku buka kasut mamat ni.. Dia mesti nak cuba kasut aku. Aku tak paham sunggoh. Aku taw la kasut aku shantek & tempted untuk dicuba. Pastu tadi dia dianugerahkan nama baru, AF1 bagi nama B.O.B.o.I.. Hahahaha.

Sleep sleepy eyes..am so sleepy. Inside a dark room of mine.. I am counting times before bed time.. I could not think.. All i want is sleep. I hate meetings! I am out of topics, i know..

Perut aku mogok pagi tadi. Aku kena turun site dekat putrajaya awal-awal pagi..bila da banyak kali pegi toilet, saspen la juga.. Sampai ke aku ke site tu. Tapi perut aku memang behave amat lah time dekat site. Aku da siap-siap sound kontraktor sepaya hantar aku cari bilik termenung kalau perut meragam. Bilik termenung dekat site tu jenis portable.. Ngeri ok! Anyway, thanks mr perut kerana kamu sangat memahami.

Letih juga meneman kanak-kanak sepetang hari ni. Itu pun tak ke mana sangat. Rindu plak time kecik-kecik dulu. Walaupun aku tak cakap, aku memang sangat berterima kasih to both my parents. Aku sensitif kalau tengok orang buat naya kat orang tua. Tengok drama sedih sket, mula la meleleh. Apo aku merapu ni.. Homesick la ni.. Tapi aku memang tak akan tengok cerita sedih sebab confirm tangkap leleh. Menangis itu satu terapi apa... Tapi memang relive amat la pas nangis. Rasa macam terlepas semua aura negatif.

This is just a friendly advice...

"If you ever want to try to lie to my face, please do it properly with 100% commitment. If you are not smart enough, please do not attempt to try at all. If you think you are clever enough to lie, trust me, i am twice more clever to find out all your lies. Perhaps I do not say a thing but I am laughing at you and your stupidity, silently"

Peace y'all!

I am not feeling well and kinda exhausted. This always happen to me, blame pms! And mom, she called me and talk about something that long forgotten.

Maybe my mood is not at it's best but care to run a checklist, just to remind my self that i am..

Not becoming one grumpy young lady. CHECKED.
Not doing anything not-right. CHECKED.
Not complaining about every things. CHECKED.
Not feeling any needs to be attached to someone. CHECKED.
Laugh as much as crying. CHECKED.
Buy any thing i like. CHECKED.
Do plan but not making any specific one. CHECKED.
Not thinking too much and just enjoying life to the fullest. CHECKED.

...and i feel good, again.

I went looking for flower and kinda willing to pay up to hundred bucks for sakura-look alike? Was i out of my mind! Who knows what had happened to my brain. No wonder laa.. It is day 8th of the month today..hear this - I hated 8.

I am tired.. My two days course ended today. I went to Jalan TAR and Sogo. I don't know what has gotten into me lately but i became a fan of dining sets and stuffs for home. Maybe i am ready to own a house? Is it? If that's the case, i might able to make it happen after one or two years. But..buying a house is not as simple as buying cars. I could still dream, plan and think about it till the day it happen.

I am thinking about MAGGI mee.. The yumm yummy delicious mee. Again, thanks to MAGGI for creating something that i always can think of when my stomach 'calls' or when i dont have idea on what to eat.

I called my mom while having breakfast at old town white coffee, while waiting for AF1 and mr B to pick me up and 'moblogging' at the same time. And my stomch.. Ermm.. Toil-et maybe!

Bukan takat rambut aku je yang gugur.. Bulu mata aku ni pun, within this week tiap-tiap hari gugur. Aku pun tak paham. Orang kata mungkin ada orang rindu kalau bulu mata jatuh.. Apa-apa la pun orang nak kata.. janji mata aku tak botak.

Letih betul hari ni.. Letih makan banyak.. Hehe. Floor aku ada buat jamuan raya..seronot! Ada makna aku seronot tu sebenarnya.. Ngehehe.. Biarla rahsia ;)

Home alone the whole day.. Heaven! Nothing is more relaxing other than spending my precious time at home, as always. I am watching world cafe Asia on Travel&Living Channel at the moment. Watching peoples all around Asia preparing their dishes kinda moved me. Cooking is art. Just add in whatever i like, as long as the proportions are right. The goal ; 1st goes to aesthetic. I wouldn't want to try something that look 'ugly' kay. Love always starts from the eye, remember ;)

I am planning a trip to Japan or Europe next year, which i have not decided yet. I couldn't make it this year and hoping i could make it next year. I talked with ibu about Japan. Well.. I don't want to say much.. Just wait till it happen loh.

..trying to recall what i did today.. Mmm.. Nothing much.

Yesterday my bos gave us something to think about. How to design a 14 degrees room @ 50% relative humidity. Hua hua hua.. Come again?! He even handed me a book.."read this during weekend" he said. Hahaha.. Did i read it yet? Naah..

Hello sushi!! I've been wanting to eat at sushi Z for so long. The place was always full and i could see a long queue everytime i passed by. I went there with ibu. I have already eaten so i cant try ALL! I am going again..that time i will make sure i go there with an empty stomach.

I'm not missing you...

Every words of this song are so meaningful to me... try to listen to her live performance.. superb! even better than her studio version..

I'm not missing you...
(Stacie Oricco)

Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiosity
Now that its over
What else could it be he just had to cheat

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

But.. I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
But this time its different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

Its a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

No I can't be with you
Cause I'm scared felt like I was falling when you left me
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when its right
And when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life

Amat bosan hari ni. Aku rasa aku tak buat apa2 pun. Aku turun lunch. Ingat nak pegi kotak merah.. tapi Dauz pula tak der. Pas kfc, aku tersinggah dekat kedai OTO.. nampak basikal senaman. Aku dah mula dah nak stat membeli belah. Tengah aku terai berbasikal dengan gumbiranya.. lalu la sekumpulan geng yang one of them pernah pegi induksi dengan aku. Aku ingat dorang lalu jek, siap masuk dalam kedai pulak. Tapi aku dengan selamba tetap mengayuh basikal yang tak bergerak kemana pun tu walaupun aku berbaju kurung. Tak la tak seneyeh pun.. aku jenis yang sentiasa pakai seluar panjang aper walopun aku pakai baju kurung. Sebab? Senang nak lari kalau anjing kejar.

Pastu aku g AIBI pula. Kat situ pun aku mengayuh juga. Kedai tu lagi dekat amat dengan pintu entrance opis aku, tapi aku nak juga kayuh! Esok la baru aku decide.. so aku naik opis. Buka2 komputer, ader 2 sms dari 2 nombor yang nama penghantarnya tak keluar. Aku pakai simkad tu tuk online, even orang boleh call tapi aku tak akan dengar or tahu yang ader call masuk, boleh terima sms je. Cek2.. laa.. fasi2 aku time induksi rupanya ajak g kotak merah. Laaa.. patut pun aku ada rasa2 macam nak masuk kotak tadi. Jauh dorang ni merantau sampai ker midvali...

Since time tu da pukul 1 lebih, aku tak la join. Da tu dorang kater nak p panjat opis aku melawat. Bila aku tanya, dorang ader program ker sampai datang ke midvali.. dorang kater buat lawatan susualan budak2 induksi ari tu. Bila aku macam tak caya, incik tu kater.. tu la.. bebudak lain yang kena lawat tu pon samer gak tak perchaiya cam ngko.. ahahah..

This is a story of a friend of mine yang aku kenal time2 keje ni la... Dipendekkan cerita, mamat ni selalu sms, call.. aku layan je la as kawan time2 aku rajin & bila time aku malas which is most of the time, aku masuk la nombor tepon dia dia dalam senarai blacklist aku (opps!), esp bila dia stat nak ala2 sayang menyayang kunun. & bila dia ajak keluar, ada2 je alasan aku. Kalau takat budak-budak dekat opis ni aku tak de hal nak lepak sama dorang, tapi kalau keluar dengan someone yang aku pun kenal gitu-gitu je.. memang rasa tak selesa so aku tak pernah kuar dengan dia langsung. Lagipun dia ni jenis yang macam too good to be true.. which is satu attitude ‘kurang real’ yang aku cukup tak gemar especially pada lelaki. Be yourself and act normal kay guys!

Story of the day.. I arrived safely at Nilai, thanks to gps. Unlike yesterday, I am 'well prepared' today and a good weather is also helping me. It took me less than 30 minutes to reach my friend's house after Sg Besi tol. Ibu and I were visiting our long lost friend, 12 years to be exact, and thanks to facebook.

After spending almost 2 hours at her beautiful house, I went to Nilai 3. I only stop at 4 shops but ended up buying 3 items, which include a very large mirror, wooden mat and partition for the price of less than RM200 alltogether.

I really love the mirror, height about six or seven feet I guess. RM70 only! Can't I believe it! See.. it kinda made the so-called sofa looked smaller. I am a big fan of mirror, except the time when I look plump. Yeah.. fact is a bitter thing. And here.. the partition, also RM70. A simple one but ok loh!

I promised my friend to go to Nilai today.. so around 4 pm I left home. It is shown on gps the distance of my destination will be 40 km from house. I forgot to change the gps setting and unchecked the tollway avoidance so instead of using highway, I was 'instructed' to use an unfamiliar non-toll route. Due to highly trusting the gps, I saved money BUT i got lost! Darnggg!! Still, I kept driving and 'made' the gps choose tollway at last because there were no other non-toll route available at that time. I claimed it as victory against gps, BUT, again.. I got lost!

It was about 25 km from my destination when it happened. First, I showed my silliness to the toll gate girl by trying to pay the fare which is not required because they only distribute tolls tickets there!! Then.. instead of going right, I turned left and 'all the sudden' I was on my way back to KL again, + about 39 km from my destination! So, I just drove home + pay the unnecessary toll fare. End of story.

What a day!

I am watching TV news for the first time after almost 3 months! I am doing it while mob-blogging. Thanks to NO-interesting-watchable-program on tv at the moment. Chotto! I switched off my laptop to access internet from mobile phone? What was I thinking again.Yeah.. although my nokia 5800 phone is not as intelligent as i-phone, I am very much comfortable using it for 'interneting' compare to accessing from laptop.

I am the type who can live with NO-calls and NO-sms but not without NO-internet on the phone. Internet line is a MUST-HAVE to me. Not because of facebook, ym, email or social networking activities.. It just because of wikipedia and tons of usefull info that i can read + songs download of course ;) Though i have an account like facebook, just like anybody else but i am not really a big fan of social networking. I still remember, it was on my time the mirc whatsoeva online chat became popular but I only tried it once. I have ym but I only have a small group of very close friends on my list and..I rarely on line. And now with fb phenomena.. let see.. mmm.. most of the time the chat is off; often ignored friend request from 'strangers' (wanna use this word??really???!!); only less than 10 of 2++ fb friends of mine were new friends via friend request..while the others were schoolmates or someone that I personally knew. Yeah.. I think I sounded like 0.L.D.

Head ache every day and my eyes are killing me!

Nothing interesting happened today except for the part that I ate sate. I've been wanting to eat sate since last week. What else am I thinking about eh? chicken wings!!!! I could never be separated with chicken but still, shrimps and prawns are my 'true love'.

Kinda head ache at the moment. Is it because I have nothing to do or am I just being lazy today. I am thinking about KFC shrimps. Nyummmm... 

Yesterday.. my favorite stall reopened for business. Because they were busy holidaying, I ate cekodok for the previous four days!!! Can't imagine what will I be eating at the food court if the stall is no longer in operation. My favorite foods are fish tempura+mayonnaise with green vege. I never change my menu since ibu left almost a year ago. It is not that I am on a diet or anything.. it just I didn't have any appetite for other foods.

The good thing at that smelly food court besides my favorite foods was this beverage stall. The boys remembered my favorite drink so whenever I came,  they asked me, 'coffee sis?'. All I have to do is nod my head then my order will be 'kopi kaww kurang maness satu!'. Sometimes i could get my order faster than those ordering before me..sometimes of course la I dont.. hahaha. Adding to the fact, their coffee suited my taste and they understand when people said 'kurang manis', then it shall be less sugar unlike at mamak stall, no matter how many times you told them  'kurang manis' still ada manisss jugaaa!

"Love is thinking about others before you think about yourself...
Love is selfless not selfish...
Love is when you lay down your life for another...
Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking...
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.."

This is a part of a song lyrics actually and the melody is good + Bruno Mars is there.. except for the part where  the whole lyrics is kinda 'non universal'. I  happened to hear some of Bruno Mars songs on 4shared and ended up falling for his music, especially the 'Just The Way You  Are'

To those poor guys who are gonna be singing this song... 

I was thinking about her, thinking about me...
Thinking about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream...
So I travel back, down that road...
Who she come back? No one knows...
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream...

I was at the top and I was like I’m at the basement...
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement...
I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby...
And now you ain't around, baby I can't think...
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring...
Cuz I can still feel it in the air...
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair...
 


My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife...
She left me, I'm tied...
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right...

I was thinking about her, thinking about me...
Thinking about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream...
So I travel back, down that road...
Who she come back? No one knows...
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn...
Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn....
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for...
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback...
Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my baby...
Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough...

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone...
And now i'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone...
But she made a decision that she wanted to move one...
Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinking about her, thinking about me...
Thinking about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream...
So I travel back, down that road...
Who she come back? No one knows...
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream...

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up...
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up...
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything...
I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up...
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up...
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything..

I was thinking about her, thinking about me...
Thinking about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream...
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows...
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream...

And I was thinking about her, thinking about me...
Thinking about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream...
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows...
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream...

Nelly  - Just A Dream 

I want to write something today but I don't do any interesting activity to share, so, maybe I'll  just write about things that people didn't  know about me..

1. I play musical  instrument like keyboard, flute, recorder but I didn't know how to read music notes.
2. I loved to stay at home. I hate lizard because 'they' were noisy!
3. Every month, I spent money on books but never read them.
4. I collect dvds and will go madly crazy if  I lost even a single piece.
5. I hand-sew and really good at it.  I (used to) designed clothes and 100% hand sewed some of my dress, baju kurong etc
6. It was not my nature to speak face to face and say-it-out-loud if I were sad, mad or frustrated about something or someone,  I'd rather express it in writing.
7. I  hated waiting and loathed people who do not respect time.
8. I believe life is all about yes or no. I cannot deal with fickle minded person and those who do not know what they want in life.
9. I am very particular about kitchen and bathroom cleanliness if compare to any other spaces in my house.
10. Though I am not soft spoken & ladylike type, I hated rude people, especially rude women. Using rough and rude words is 100% unacceptable to me ears.

That's  too many information...

What  I do today.. i felt like  going to Bukit Tinggi but after reading the news that there will be around 1.2 mills of car heading back to KL this weekend, I decided home is the best place. My friend asked me to go somewhere..  when  I asked  him what is the best thing about the place.. nothing actually,  just  his family  house he said. I rarely visited my own family's house  and he is asking me to his.. naahh.. Such a good boy..

So, all I do today is sleep and watch tv.. lucky that I already did all my laundry earlier. One thing I really love about my house is the shop lot in front of it.  Bank, JPJ, hyper  market.. even the car wash shop is there. All i need to do is just  open the door, push the lift button down, walk to the gate.. cross the road.. tadaaa.. I am there already. The lrt is also there.. I only drive my car to go and back from work, never on weekend  because the lrt and annoying commuter is very near.

"is that what you really feel, or, is it what you think you  should feel?"...

This question made me think for a while.. Of course i am familiar with it because i happened to always caught in a situation where I am thinking about something else but my mouth saying something different. Maybe it was because our mind and heart is not always in sync, that it always left us caught in the middle...

There were boundary between what the heart wanted and what the mind is thinking. Wanting something or someone so badly but we can't do or have it because it is wrong or not right for us..  that often occurred in life. Like when you were madly mad at someone, you thought that person deserved punishment severely but you can't do that because it was not right. But I wonder what will happen if every time our mind will agree to what the heart is desiring and vice versa....

I started working today but my heart is not there yet. My mind is still thinking about R.E.S.T, adding to the fact that tomorrow is also an off day. Well.. I guess I am just lazy. Ok.. I admit I am lazy!

I am not ready to go to work yet.. How i wish everyday were holidays. Maybe i could find one super duper rich husband to support me as full time housewife.. If only logic part of my brain agree to that, wouldn't it be like 'heavennn' that i don't have to think about work anymore. But i am not a simple person..that is the problem!

Meeting friends and families during Raya, I was being asked the same question for a countless time about boyfriend and jodoh. Well.. As usual.. I prepared a standard answer for each and every questions asked. Kacauu eh!! To be frank, I sooo mmmuchh lo~ve to be friend with boys and prefer male friends rather than girls @ 98 to 2% ratio translated in math, but always.. i am not fond of the idea of making them special someone, except when the person were like magnet and I am unable to make myself not thinking about him all the time, which, rarely happened of course!

As a girl, I am the kind who is always making sure all questions were answerable. I won't easily agree to something that I doubt and I hated to lose to boys the most. I never gave any chance to boy to show off their 'smartness' on something i knew. I won't entertained their rubbish and sweet talk because my ear can't stand it and I think I am too smart to fall for it. See.. no wonder I am single..haha. Despite that, maybe one day I'll meet a guy who could lead me, someone who is smart enough to deal with me. I hate to lose but I don't like winning if I don't deserve it.. I just want to be right when it is right for me to be right, not just because I think i am right. I am a good follower, and I never wanted to be a leader. Well, it can be said the conclusion is.. I loved smart guy, not necessarily romantic, a great leader but certainly not bossy and selfish kay... So, if you are the one.. you've got to hurry ;p

I am at the airport at the moment. What a bore. I hated flying since forever and don't ask me why. Maybe because i loathed the idea of waiting.

It was a bit late but luckily i didn't miss my flight. My sis and i did experienced that few times, so every time i fly from sabah to kl..i will have to lie to my dad by adding 15 or 30 minutes to my departure time. And of course..i did it again today. Sorry dad..ahahah..

But... Now i am stuck here for an extra hour. Flight delay!! Waaaaaaaaa..

I am lying on my bed while writing this entry at the moment. Just want to kill minutes before i close my eyes.

...am soooo tired. As usual..we have photo shoot session today which we did every year. Lucky that i still have both granda pa and ma on my mother's side. Every year..there was never a day where one of my mom's siblings and their families wont be there during first day of Hari Raya. And now, with all the grand kids growing kakoi and kawai.. Today is one happy day and i am really in best mood =)

Barulah dapat membaringkan diri. Tadi da siap-siap masak rendang.. Masak half cook pastu besok baru masak lagi. Bukan sebab malas atau gas abis la.. Sengaja je nak perap..bagi masuk rasa dalam daging nan liat tu..sok barula masyuk nak melantak.

Pinggang aku yang tak ramping ni ada la juga terasa-rasa macam nak tercabut. Umah kitaorang nak kat besar..tak la juga tapi barang banyak gila. My dad jenis yang pantang bab dispose barang, so menimbun le kat umah ni. Nak kemas pun tak bule sembarang..kang kena fire dek my dad sebab alihkan barang-barang dia. Normally kitaorang adik beradik kemas bodo-bodo jek la..janji bersih. Pas ni bila umah kat bawah da siap..aku kompiden lah tak lama pas tu menimbun le barang juga. My mom pula ada hobi pelik..takat kalo kusyen kaler merah, langsir kaler oren & kapet kaler biru tu kitaorang adik-beradik memang no komen. Memang ketahuan la my mom ni fail bab color selection. Bila kena komplen..jawapan standard dia 'Biar lah..asalkan selesa'.. Well..nak kate apa lagi kan.

Elok la aku bawak tido mata yang tak ngantuk ni..karang jadi mata panda la esok. Selamat Hari Raya to all...

Hari ni malas sangat rasanya.. Rasa nak tido je. Malas nak fikir banyak walaupun ada rasa terkilan yang amat sangat dalam hati ni. Cuma mampu berdoa pada tuhan agar aku punya kekuatan untuk hadapi semua ni..tambah-tambah bulan puasa ni. Sekali sekala pulang ke kampung, tunjuk muka serabut depan family bukanlah satu perkara yang boleh dimaafkan.

Moga dengan izin tuhan, segala-galanya akan berakhir di sini..

Sampai-sampai dekat airport kk smalam, hujan lebat. Tunggu my dad pick me up.. more then one hour la juga..sampai mengantuk. Sepanjang jalan nak balik rumah rasa mual semacam jek.. Terpaksa la tekan perut oke.

I am at the airport. Bowwwinkk! My flight scheduled at 12.50 pm.. But here i am..since 8 am to be exact. I am flying air asia while my sister who is still a student opted for MAS. Children now days are unbelievable! Since she took morning flight..so i have to accompany her to erl and end up sleep-in-my-walking here. I slept at 1.30 last night just to fulfill my desire of playing my dusty keyboard. Blame it to my dad's casio that sound ahug-leyh =(

Fwens : (Puzzled) You are still single???
Me : Ya
Fwens : Ala.. Of course u have boyfriend rite?
Me : No
Fwens : Whyyyy? You r ok, cute, nice.. U have everything  whattt (whateveh).. But whyyy? (Emotional duh??)
Me : (smiling brightly ;D)

Friends.. I am not done trying, i am far from giving up.. It just i don't have desire to love and to be loved again. I am sorry to those who think i am definitely one interesting person.. Maybe i am but i could only bring warmth feeling to your heart and an endless smile to brighten your day.. That is all that i can do.

Remind me why I loved God, Save our King @ Kyo Kara Maoh!!! I used to be one of the fan-die-hard  of this anime during its aired on Animax few years back. The sound of its soundtrack kept ringing inside my head till the day I 'accidentally' bought a dvd box contained of 117 episodes.There goes my money....

But... with such an excellent graphic, handsome Conrad   & kakoiiii Yuri.. who cares if I spent RM50.. (darng! i care..)

Have you ever wished that you were no longer live in this world?

This might sound like I am suicidal.. but of course I am not. I am one of the most logical and rational  person, still.. It just, I did wished for that sometimes. I always prayed to God if breathing in this world bring no good for me and my peoples..I wished God could just take my life away, but if it were the other way around.. I prayed God will award me a strong heart to walk through a longer journey of life. 

It is no doubt that I am happy with my life, but deep inside my heart.. I could not hide the fact that I am extremely heartbroken. There were no right words to explain it. Love matter was just a small  portion of that "heartbroken".. there were lots of things and I dare not to think about it.

I laughed as much as I cried... This might sound like I am going crazy but everyone has their own way dealing with life and survive this world, rite.. I am just a normal person. I agreed when a counselor said that everyone in this world has mental problems. One could deny it out loud, and claim there were no defect on them.. truth is, it was not something for us to prove because it is not the matter of  right or wrong we are talking here.

Hari ni hari last induksi. Rasa lega amat sebab dah habis. Tadi dah pulun habis-habisan jawab soklan exam. Kol 10 sampai 12.30 exam esei. Dalam kol 12 tu aku dah siap la jawab soklan tapi saja tanak kuar dari  dewan. Fasi2 yang jaga tu dah balik-balik tanya aku, aku tanak hantar ker. Dengan degilnya aku kater tanak.. hahaha.. Dah la degil, pastu ingkar arahan plak. Orang suh jangan bercakap-cakap kalau paper tak dihantar lagi.. aku sebok borak dengan jiran sebla menyebla. Kedegilan  melampau aku telah menyebabkan fasi yang bakal cek paper kitaorang nanti amik kertas aku & baca kat situ gak.

Aku apa lagi.. op kos la saspen bila dia muka kerut-kerut sambil geleng-geleng pale. Gelak dia bila aku kater "encik jangan la tujuk muka gitu, nanti 3 bulan sy tak tidur lena". Mana tidak.. batch aku ni batch spesel.. dekat 600 orang skali intake. Kalau ekonomi tak yelok, mau kitaorang kena terminate kalau tak lulus dengan jayanya.

Smalam aku dapat sms wish good luck dari fasi-fasi penilai. Lagi la aku saspen nak exam ari ni. Last-last dekat pukul 10 aku dah tido gara-gara terteqan. Pagi tu dah gelabah sebab tak habis baca lagi. Tapi apa-apa pun.. kursus ni best. Lagi pulak budak-budak  group semua ok. Cuma ada la beberapa golongan dalam ramai-ramai 104 orang yang aku cukup tak berkenan, tau fikir pasal diri dia jek. Tak consider pun ramai lagi orang kat sekeliling tu. Tak paham aku.. nak kater budak.. da beranak pinak. Ni yang buat kurang pahala pose ni.. ahaha.

Kol 4 lebih aku dah sampai  umah.. basuh baju.. rilek2.. skali da kol 6.30 baru teringat yang aku belum beli lagi juadah berbuka tuk hari ni. Nasib tersedar...  kalau idak, mau aku berbuka minum air kosong jek.

Hari ni ada sesi persembahan daripada semua group.. kelakar ada nak marah pun ada sebab buat persembahan macam kanak-kanak ribena... hahaha