I guess I am still trying, hard, to catch up with my old pace. Being betrayed to the core is sure an extremely bad thing for one to have to experience. It is my bad to see everything in this life in the form of YES or No but it is who i am. Because I always predicted how things are gonna turn out, so I ended up trying so hard to make a divert and opted for a way out. And since I hated so much to be caught in a situation that I could not handle, I am shielding my heart to the best.

But I failed, once.

It was not I was not ready for that. Frankly,  I already knew long before it happened but I never thought one person  I deeply trusted and looked up so highly could hold on to self-centering to the point where hurting people who deeply care about them means nothing at all. How was that hurt feeling like? The way I experienced it,  it was like someone stabbing me with a sharp  knife,  right trough the heart.. hold it there for a moment, pushing it down, slowly and patiently before tearing it apart.. I'd rather be shot than to have to experience that feeling again.